Finding Self Sufficiency Marco Del Rossi Style
by missmiamya
Summary: This is just a short one shot of Marco Story lines...basically a retelling with an added end...R&R contains Darco and breif Timarco


Finding Self Sufficiency (Marco Del Rossi Style)

"We all strive to be great but great is variety in the eyes of self sufficiency."

I can't quite remember who said those words to me. I do however know exactly how it relates in my life. All my life I've always strived to be the best at everything I do because I've always lacked something my father wanted from me. I've never really been able to explain it to anyone I just knew I was different and for that difference my father looked down upon me.

In grade 10 I moved to 1678 Degrassi Street in Toronto. It was a quiet, semi rich neighborhood. With the move came a new school; a school in which soccer wasn't a high held sport, a school where I was an underdog in everything. This is where I believed my story of finding self sufficiency really began.

You see I'm extremely shy. The first person I made friends with at Degrassi originally scared the hell out of me. She wore Black Clothes, Black Make Up, and Black Nail Polish which made her fiery red hair stand out even more. She happens to be Eleanor (Ellie or El) Nash. She was sitting alone at lunch and I just sort of wondered to the table and sat down. At first she was rude, but then I explained that I was new and didn't know anyone and she looked like she could be friendly. A few minutes later a taller girl with Jet Black Hair, wearing all black approached the table and sat down. She looked at me like I was lost and then El nodded confirming I was safe or something like that and she introduced her self as Ashley (Ash) Kerwin. They were the only people I met and connected with that first day.

Slowly I became friends with other people mostly the girls in my classes. They introduced me to their boyfriends. Paige Michael Chuck was probably the one who actually put me out there in the world of Degrassi Community School. She was head of the Spirit Squad, Queen Bee at everything, and completely obnoxious.

One day during Media Immersions (MI) Dr. Sue came in. She is the Sex Ed woman that comes in once a year to talk to the grade 10 class. She started talking about homosexuals. I was uncomfortable with the topic at the time. I had grown up in a strict Catholic Family where what the bible said was right, you didn't question it, and you certainly didn't go against it or accept anything that did. However as Dr. Sue talked and I listened I began to realize something about the things she was saying, there were quite a few that fit with me. My emotions, my insecurities, and my personality in general; I was scared I didn't want to accept it at that time.

A few weeks later Ellie and I went on a date. It was awkward. I had thought that I liked her more than just a friend, but as we were on our date I realized that wasn't the case, but to keep up appearances we kissed in front of our friends and we pretended to be a great couple. She has since told me that she knew from the first date we had that I was gay. I officially told her a few weeks into our "relationship" when she was wanting to make out I pulled away and told her it wasn't her it was me, which I realize is the lowest line you could ever use, but it was the truth. It wasn't her fault it was mine. I was the one that was gay. I was the one not even remotely turned on by her. I begged her to pretend to be my girlfriend just for a while longer. A while turned into months it wasn't until a day out at the beach with Paige, and a few other friends that we told everyone we weren't really together. Not by my choice if I had my choice I think I'd still be hiding behind El now. She was like my shield from the world.

That day Paige's very out, proud, amazingly gorgeous brother happened to be with us on the beach, and as I ran off to sit on the rocks over looking the beach below, he followed. He sat there next to me in a comfortable silence. He knew my secret. I wasn't sure how he knew, but he knew. I got a sense that he was slightly interested in me, but I wasn't going to get my hopes up. After we sat there in silence for a while I could feel his eyes on me, and when I turned and looked at him I was shocked at how full of emotion his eyes, and features in general were. He reached his hand out and brushed the tear off of my cheek. I smiled and placed my hand over his. At that moment I knew he was definitely interested in me. I also outted myself to him officially. I told him I was confused by it, and he offered to help me out if I needed someone to talk to. We walked back to the picnic tables just as they were packing everything up. Paige gave us a questioning look, and I could tell Dylan was going to be grilled later, but he promised to let me tell them on my own time.

Within the next few days everyone became aware of my sexual orientation. Well everyone excluding my parents. I was bashed in a local park, and told my parents that they had beaten me up for my shoes. All of my friends were supportive except Spinner. He eventually came around though. Dylan and I hung out as just friends a lot for awhile. We hung out with a group of people, he seemed to always be with our group over kids his own age. I like to think it was because he wanted to be with me.

Our first date was the date from hell. I asked Spinner for advice on what to wear, as soon as I got into his car I flipped out because of a bee, and we went to see a Zombie movie where I sat with my eyes clutched shut most of the time. Then to top it all off we ran into my parents who insisted on us eating dinner with them, where my dad made fun of the waiter because he was gay or a "fruity boy" as he put it. I forgave him because he didn't know about me, I was scared of how Dylan would react, and then horrified when Dylan left early.

The next day we talked about it however and he said he only left early because I looked scared to death. We then went on a second date and sometime we eventually became a couple a real couple. I hid it from my parents still. I was ashamed, I was afraid of how they would react. I'm a catholic after all they look down upon everything against the bible. I knew that it'd eventually come out, but for now I was fine with being with Dylan. He hated that I hid it. And at the beginning of my 11th grade year, when he was leaving for college I became scared. We were going to be apart a lot, and we were likely to never see each other. I feared we'd drift apart. I asked him to go with me to the mall when I went to get my pictures for Student Body President Campaign signs. As I sat in the photo booth smiling widely for the first three pictures, he stood just outside the booth. He then led a sneak attack on me, and leaned in just as the fourth was about to take and kissed my cheek. It was cute, but I knew mama wouldn't approve of it. So as we strolled back to her shop I tore that one off. I handed her the other three and told her to choose. Dylan became angry and left. I told Mama I'd see her at home and ran after him. He broke up with me that night. I was hurt, and went straight to my room when I got home. Mama came in and I confessed to her that I was gay, and that I had been dating Dylan. She told me she had known for a long time, and I was shocked, but she was accepting. She agreed to keep it from Dad.

The next couple of days were hard. I didn't talk to Dylan at all I felt like I was all alone. I found out Alex Nunez was running against me for President. I wasn't scared though. She was one of the lower people. She hung out with Jay, I hung out with Paige. Alex threatened to bring up that I was gay. During the debate I looked out in the crowd and saw My parents in one section with other parents, and then walking in the door way I saw Dylan curly locks glowing. I knew that I had the courage to fight back if Alex did something, but then I beat her to it. Someoen in the crowd was yelling fag and I said "so what" and everyone was shocked…but everyone liked how I retorted. I got voted in and assigned Alex Vice. She went through transformations that year. Dylan and I ended up getting back together. He went off to college and visited as often as possible. Or I'd go see him for a weekend here and there.

Later in the year we were organizing a blood drive, and when I was denied because I had had sex with Dylan I called him for support. He wasn't answering so I surprised him with a visit, and found him on top of another guy both of whom were shirtless. He had the balls to still invite me to a party that night, and I made Craig go with me. Craig and I were sitting out on the step and Dylan came looking for me. As he got closer I panicked and kissed Craig, I hoped it would make Dylan Jealous. It didn't work though. He laughed it off. And Craig was the one that freaked out. Dylan and I officially broke up that day.

The next year a new guy showed up at Degrassi. Tim, he reminded me of myself two years before. I befriended him when I saw him being bullied. He and I were hanging out. He confessed that he was gay and he came out to his dad. He thought I had already done that, which I hadn't but he inspired me to do it. I however did it on stage in front of everyone. Dad was upset and angry, and refused to believe it or accept it. But he eventually got over that. Tim and I were just friends nothing more. Until Dylan came home at the end of the year, I knew he was back to try to fix things. So I told him I was with Tim and that we were happy. Tim was ecstatic that I wanted to be with him over the God, Dylan. Dylan was less than thrilled though. He was persistent, and for just cause. He showed up at school and confessed why he was back, and that he wasn't going to be happy with out me. I had to confess then that neither was I. We got back together, and Tim hated me, which I understood I did pretty much use him.

That Summer Dylan and I spent all of our time together, and in the fall we moved into a house together, Me, Dylan and El. We were happy, and then I thought he was cheating on me again. That turned out to be my insecurities, and really the guy was from a Sweden Hockey Team and he wanted Dylan to go play hockey for him. I hated the idea but knew that Dylan really wanted to do it. So I went along with it. We fought a lot before he left, but of course made up. He made a promise that he'd be back, and that we'd talk as much as we could, and that he'd try to arrange it for me to go visit him for a week or something. After he left I developed a problem though. I became addicted to Gambling. I got help, and began going to group with Ellie. Things were good.

Dylan came back and we were in love more so then when he left. I couldn't stand to let him leave again, but knew that he had to. The next few years were tough. We barely got to see each other, but we knew are love was growing deeper while we were apart. He finally asked me to marry him, and then told me he was done with the hockey thing in Sweden. I was happy, and I of course agreed I melted into his arms and then drug him over to my parents house. I wasn't going to hold anything back. I was telling my father everything, he already knew we were dating and living together. What more could hurt. I told him we were getting married, and he shut down, but I knew he'd come around because I am his only son. We were married a few months later, and now 3 years later are finally approved for adoption. We are adopting twin's from Africa. One Boy and One Girl. We are excited to see how raising kids is going to be like. But that is for another story and another time. I found self sufficiency in being able to come out to my father, and become successful. There is nothing more self satisfying than that.

Completely made that address up.

Yet again I know that is definitely not a word…just not sure how to say that lol Ousted was a suggestion so if that fits better fill it in…haha :)!

A/N: just a lot of boring stuff…lol I was defineately not sure where this was going…someone wrote that quote in a note book of mine a couple years ago, and I just felt like I should use it for a fic. Hope you liked it!


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